So I come to understand how hilariously meagre my debts are. Most persons seeking 'loan-forgiveness' for religious vocation do not owe family members a few thousand dollars. And yet in this situation, I'm ironically disadvantaged - like the reverse of seeking to bag groceries with a PhD on your resume - because the loans are all undocumented. Any vocational decision, particularly something like the monastic life, takes time in the lifestyle to 'succeed' - 'if the just man is barely saved', and so forth; and hesitance can equate to severe stumbling blocks later. Yet I may not have a choice but wait, and wait, and wait. Again, for the thousandth time, I'm at a crossroads in life in which it seems the route to meaningful-service/heaven - or, rather, what is perhaps my 'on-ramp' onto the highway - is blocked off due to my own decisions or other mitigating circumstances.
But it's encouraging to remember that Jesus Christ our Lord, our example, in the Gospel of St. Luke set His face 'like flint' toward Jerusalem, heading firmly in that direction - and then proceeded to be 'distracted' for the course of several chapters, healing sick people and helping the despondent. The 'distractions' were part of God's Revelation and His will. In this small reflection of our Saviour's journey, I see what seems to be a viable road for me, but my vision is limited; and along the long hard row ahead for me to hoe is probably some way in which I can serve Him meaningfully. The road (as the cliche goes) seems to be a part of the destination.
-r
